ROUGH DRAFT
(Notes from Ginny):
Meet "One" (the white one on the right), and his twin, "Also One" (the brown on the left). Among the first of those to come into our home, and were my first bottle babies. Their mom did not survive after birth. Our veterinarian called one night several years ago to see if we wanted to take on twin baby goats. Two days old. Not knowing who was born first, we named the white baby "One" and, not to slight the other, named
the brown one as "Also One." They are pictured here together -- the same as they were from their first day and still remain to this day -- inseparable. I still call them "my babies" and they respond in kind, each answering back with a soft 'baaa'.
Our herd grows no more, and even with it shrinking we try to keep up, to 'Fight the Good Fight,' but the uncertainty is something alien to me and very frightening. I worry about the 'collateral damage' -- the animals. Most neglected or abandoned before they arrived, these were discards and rejects - no longer of any use to the former owners. Some arrived after a referral from Animal Control or a veterinarian. Many were simply dumped, as they had been even before we moved into this place. As 'about us' will explain, the location had a reputation before we took stewardship and were warned of this by the previous owners. Did not take long before they were proved correct.
Most of them started life under difficult circumstances, at best. Some were horrific. After arriving at this 'sanctuary', they had to watch the loss of their 'homes' by fire and adapt to less than ideal environment in regard to proper housing. Perhaps the insecurity from that was tempered by the love they had come to accept and expect. Love that never wavered, not even when the cloud of uncertainty and turmoil set upon us once more after Phil's disabling heart attack. The mysterious innate wisdom they hold told them Phil had changed. Culled down the best we could, for many people told would say they would really love to give a good home to this or that animal. When the time came for them to come through on their word, we learned they had been just that - words. When the going got rough, they vanished.
The ones that remain adapted again. Then, just as the light could be seen at the end of the tunnel, my health dealt what may be the final blow. I was the last to know, and in fact had to be told by those who noticed, those who had been affected. The animals may sense this part as well, but they cannot know my retirement was wiped out by the stock market. They could not know my health cost me a job I had hoped to retire from many years from now. They detect a change in any routine, but they cannot know how the many and far-reaching effects this change has brought and continues to ripple like those from a heavy stone thrown into water. I am that stone and to expand on cliches, I had to become the 'rock', but where Phil can skip across the water, I could not, and now I find the waters to be cold, deep, and dark.
Just when it seems I might reach the surface, another weight is added and the struggle begins again: sink or swim. I fight to find the surface, but of recent days, the weight is heavy and now I find that the most heavy, the most deadly stone to throw are words. I do not take betrayal well, probably because it is not in my genetic makeup to betray. Loyal to a fault and it has cost me dearly. And what affects me, affects Phil when I am no longer able to 'put on a happy face.'
I accept certain perceived betryals of a couple years ago. A logical decision, but carried out in such a manner that I am certain none of the parties involved considered one small but critical area: ethics. Still, as a business person myself, I can accept that bitter pill. An accidental discovery on my laptop that was found several months into my unemployment gave me another dose of betrayal. An unrelated routine search running on my laptop for some sort of file (memory escapes me) revealed that someone forgot to do some housekeeping. Or forgot this thing ever existed, or did not expect it would spread from the source PC to a new laptop.....
to be continued. 3 days no sleep and time to log off. this is a rough draft